In the pursuit of many endeavors and goals, it is easy to be caught up in the act of chasing what excites you. Adrenaline rushes in, and you tell yourself you can take on a new book right now and knock out a blog post this week and start a new friendship and kick off that initiative at work you’ve been dying to find significant chunks of time for. But then you look at that list and realize that 1) many of your goals are not related to each other, 2) you are just one person and unable to do it all – at least do it all well, and 3) you’ve lost some of the energy and joy in the pursuit.
Life
Posts about life
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Current Status: Single and Present
The beginnings of a more public exploration into searching for and understanding connectivity
I’m not sure I’ve had any preconceived notions about what life would be like in my 30s. Well, that’s not entirely true. A long long time ago (back in my 20s), I would have told you that I would probably be married, probably have a kid or two bearing my last name and hopefully some of my better genetic and personality traits, and have a job I enjoy. If you’re keeping score, I got 1 out of 3. A .333 batting average in baseball is pretty good actually so by those standards I’m doing pretty well. For those interested, my bubble gum trading cards will be available for purchase online soon with collector’s editions available in the fall.
I am thankful that I have friends and family who don’t nag me about certain things like relationship status, to which I leave that categorized as “single and complicated.” I attribute the nag-free zone I’m in to distracting them with checking off a number of items on the “Life Stages to Hit to be Considered a Fully Grown Adult” list and with pretty photos in large canvas print format. I became a master of deflection and distraction from myself, even if some friends are finally catching on to and at identifying my schemes. These milestones, or Life Events as Facebook would have us label them, haven’t been done in any significant or specific order. But that’s OK as long as they’re done at some point, right? I got some good ones done:
- College degree? Check.
- Good job? Check.
- Bought a house? Check.
- Personal blog read by tens of people? Check!
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37
Prime Numbers are interesting and fascinating things in the world of mathematics. According to mathisfun.com, “A Prime Number can be divided evenly only by 1 or itself.” This perhaps is the greatest way to represent how I see and process myself at this point in life right now as I enter a year defined as a prime number.
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In It For the Long Haul
I rarely have felt fully prepared for a lot of the big milestones and challenges in my life. Whether it was the transition from school and stepping into “real” life when I graduated college, or giving a best man’s speech at a wedding, or completing a marathon, there was always a moment of pause and hesitancy right before that moment happened wondering how it will go. (I’m still feeling out this whole real life after school thing. I’m not sold on it just yet.)
What I do know, however, is that I work my way through it all on a daily basis.
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Listening When Interrupted
Earlier today as I was about to head out for my weekend long run, it started to drizzle. Not knowing if it was going to turn into a harder rain, I stepped back inside for a few minutes to wait it out. During that time, a good friend called to catch up and share some good news (great news, really) that is so many ways life giving and life changing. It was encouraging and a blessing to hear how after months and years of struggles and prayers, things are moving down a positive and right direction. The excitement and happiness was palpable even over the phone; energy and life was evident in him that I haven’t heard in a while.
It started recently for him one restless night as he took some time to get away and reflect. The next day, he got the news about the doctors finding a kidney donor match (yes Dave, this post is about you.) All of this gave me pause tonight as much as the light rain gave me pause from doing my run this afternoon to take some time to journal and do some reading and reflect on my own life. Schedules don’t always go according to plan, but in those moments when you’re interrupted and plans are shifted, be open and listen to what’s going on. Often it’s in those unexpected and unplanned moments that we can be changed the most.
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Turning Fifteen Again
Fifteen can be a good age, as seen in the headline image. (That was me in my junior year yearbook photo, not quite 16 yet.) You’re firmly planted into your teen years, start to have an idea of who you are and a little more confident after being in high school for 2 years, and have a lot of optimism about the future, especially because this is the year you get your driver’s permit.
I find I get nostalgic and reflective in June because it’s that time of year when you graduate high school, college, or if you’re me, you remember when you landed your first – and only – full time job. Today, June 19th, marks my first official full time day at my job. It’s not the first or second time I’ve reminisced about this, nor will it be my last. However, 15 feels like a big milestone for a couple reasons.
1) Years that are divisible by 5 feel more important.
2) Change and opportunity has been a big theme this year personally and professionally, much like the year 2000.
Just like that time of transition from college to “real life” where the world felt full of new opportunities amidst so many unknowns, this year mirrors those characteristics. Seemingly there hasn’t been so much change and possibility all rolled up into one inconveniently undefined package delivered to my door. People who I thought would be around moved on, directions of things I thought would be one way have changed – ultimately in many ways for the better.
The INFP and Idealist in me is internally thriving in the “in-between” phase of the past and the unknown future. I love this space where the opportunity of something fresh and new can be created. However, this doesn’t mean I’m without questions or fear. I also want it to go well, perfectly even however perfect can be defined in these situations. Given how unrealistic that is, I need to forge ahead and do my best.
All of this change processing requires more time alone to figure things out. I remember spending a lot of time at 15 in my bedroom trying to figure out life and everything happening then, journaling my thoughts. I was optimistic then too, even when I was unsure of the “next thing.” Guess some things don’t change.
Welcome to “Career” 15 years old, me. There’s still a lot to figure out; you got this. You still look pretty good too for your age. You should thank your parents for good genes.
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Six Squared
Cake for one. At Weber Grill. November has become a difficult month for me. Not only does it mean Thanksgiving and the entire holiday season that follows it, but it also means my birthday “season” has arrived and turning another year older. However, it doesn’t mean I need to look any older. In the last couple years, that usually also means a very quiet, introspective, and solitary season.
Birthdays, much like everything else in America, has turned into an affair that calls to be celebrated for far longer than what the calendar shows – one day. People have “birthday weeks,” “birthday months,” or “birthday seasons” to keep the party going. I don’t get it. Why do people want so much attention for just being themselves? I don’t really want it, but I don’t want to be completely forgotten either. The last few years, the days leading up to and my actual birthday are internally dark. Who will remember? Will anyone (parents and best friend excluded)?
I’ve had a few particularly emotional birthday-days that have brought intense feelings of loneliness and disconnect in my time because I felt people weren’t there in any real capacity. I’ve never been one to plan my own party. Nor do I want to be the center of attention. If friends want to coordinate a party, I’ll probably do it. As years go by, though, people have other life commitments like spouses, kids, jobs, etc. I get it. I assume they’re all too busy for me, so I make due on my own. In my head, I’ve figured this must be part of being single when most of your community isn’t. My last two actual birthdays I’ve had dinner alone. While not altogether the worst, perhaps it wasn’t the best either.
Why are my birthdays such internally difficult affairs? Why do I feel such loss at the thought of people forgetting about it and simultaneously cringe when I get a “Happy birthday!” greeting or Facebook wall post? A birthday greeting isn’t something that’s earned, but a simple acknowledgment of my existence and nothing else. Why not want any focus on me for me?
Maybe that’s (a small) part of the problem. Throughout the year, I constantly feel like I’m having to prove my worth wherever I go and with whatever I do. Then when my birthday comes, it requires nothing of me, and it partially freaks me out. I’m just supposed to “be, ” and that’s enough for a day. Maybe that’s supposed to be enough every day.
So goes another year and another birthday, partially unscathed. I hope with this new year brings more wisdom and being more OK with getting older and celebrating life.
*This post is not intended to invoke any belated happy birthdays or anything similar.
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That Sounds Like a Mis-Spent Childhood
This post starts out with a quote from a coworker who usually knows just the “right” thing to say in the “right” situations. He makes many of us at work smile and laugh – and maybe sometimes reach for that HR department we don’t have (thankfully.)
Yesterday in discussing my ability to draw maps by hand (or Etch-A-Sketch) as a kid: “That sounds like a mis-spent childhood” #omalleyquotes
— Greg Macek (@gmacek) August 9, 2013
